When you're a little girl, you have dreams. The same is probably true for little boys...I don't know, I was never a little boy. But a little girl dreams of many things.
She dreams of what she's going to "be" when she grows up. She dreams of being a singer as she dances around the room singing her favorite songs into her hairbrush or other makeshift microphone. She dreams of being a movie star as she puts on plays with her siblings, cousins and friends. She performs for her adoring public, which largely consists of whatever stuffed animals and family members can be corralled at the time. She dreams of being a fashion designer as she spends hours creating a million and one looks for her barbies to show off, and never actually gets around to playing with the dolls. She dreams of being a baker as she helps her grandmother create little cinnamon rolls from the leftover pie crusts, as the scent of the apple or blackberry or strawberry rhubarb pies in the oven fill the air and make her tummy rumble. She dreams of being a mommy as she bathes, feeds, changes, burps, and rocks to sleep each one of her baby dolls.
As she gets older, the dreams change. She dreams of getting into the college of her choice, preferably alongside at least one of her best friends, and if she can swing it her boyfriend as well. She dreams of being a lawyer or a doctor or the CEO of some corporation or another, because those are the jobs that pay. She dreams of marrying the man of her dreams...whom she is absolutely sure is the boy she spent the last week in detention for, because she was late for class due to one too many hallway kisses. She dreams of the kind of house she will have. A killer apartment in the city, with amazing views and fantastic quirky neighbors and the best takeout within walking distance. Or a sprawling 5 bedroom home in the country, yellow with black shutters, complete with a dog and porch swing. It really all depends on her mood that week.
And then...something happens. She changes, or the dreams change, or the people surrounding her change, or the world itself changes. She's no longer sure what she wants to be, or more accurately...if she has what it takes to be what she wants to be. She wants to change the world...but sometimes finds it difficult to even negotiate peace between toddlers. She wants to do something...to be someone...worthwhile. But she's not even sure she remembers what worthwhile feels like. She stays awake at night trying to figure out how to get from Point A to Point B while still maintaining the life that she currently lives, the life she loves.
"Dream, send me a sign. turn back the clock...give me some time. I need to break out...make a new name..."
listen to Brand New Day
She still sings along to her favorite songs, but the pretend microphone is gone. She no longer dreams of being a singer, but instead does everything she can to promote the artists she believes in. ( rstar.net )
She no longer dreams of being a movie star, but relishes each musical/play her kids are part of, and longs for the days she will be driving them to rehearsals and sitting front row in future productions, all the while secretly hoping they have a passion for the performing arts.
She no longer dreams of being a baker, but she spends hours online planning exactly what kind of birthday cakes she will make for the kids next parties. She spends hours making homemade fondant and buttercream frosting, and assembling the cakes that don't quite look like the ones in her head, but aren't too shabby either.
She no longer dreams of marrying the man of her dreams, but instead loves the man she married, with all her heart.
She still has dreams though.... She no longer dreams of having the perfect house, but instead dreams of exactly how and when the bathroom can be remodeled. She no longer dreams of having the best paying job, but instead dreams of finding a job that makes her happy. She no longer dreams of changing the world, but dreams of changing it for a few people. She dreams of the non-profit she wants to start, that saves the futures (and possibly the lives) of hopeless kids, through the love of music.
The most important thing is... she still dreams.
"She likes New York at night. She dreams of running away. Shine on, bright like the sun, when even the sky turns gray..." listen to Breathe
lyrics and music by the incomparable Ryan Star
